The HR Toolkit: Solving 5 Common Office Dilemmas
Anne-Maartje Oud (Netherlands)
Dilemmas at work happen every day, often in small, observable moments where you have to choose how to respond. This article outlines five dilemmas and shows how calm, clear behaviour helps you respond effectively.
Dilemmas at work show up in everyday situations where both options seem reasonable but lead to different outcomes and consequences. In those moments, you can feel the hesitation: am I going to act or hold back. What should I do?
A dilemma can slow you down when you keep weighing both sides without deciding. In the end, you have to choose and act, because not choosing is also a decision that shapes the outcome. One thing is key: you need to first observe what is actually the situation. What is happening in the context, who is there, what do you see in people’s behaviour. Based on that, you decide what is needed now.
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Yes or No to Giving Feedback
Some people hesitate to give feedback because they fear it will lead to tension or a negative reaction.
At the same time, not giving feedback leaves the other person without direction, which often leads to ineffective behaviour. So, the real choice is not whether to give feedback, but when and how to do it. Two things matter when giving feedback: timing and clarity. Give the feedback as close to the situation as possible and be concrete in what you describe. Don’t give general impressions, but give observable behaviour and the effect it had: Keep it clear and respectful. “In the meeting this morning, you did not bring the numbers we agreed on, which meant we could not make a decision. Can you share what happened there?” Then give space for a response and continue:
“Next time, could you make sure you have them ready so we can move forward more effectively? And if something gets in the way, let me know please. Do you need anything from me to make that happen?” Make sure you say this in a calm, warm, open tone, with steady eye contact, so it becomes a conversation rather than a correction.
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Speaking Up or Staying Silent in a Meeting
When no one guides a meeting, you often see the same pattern: one person keeps talking, others withdraw and the conversation loses focus. In that moment, people face the dilemma of whether to speak up or stay silent and often choose silence, even though disengagement is clearly visible in behaviour.
You notice people looking at their phones or laptops, side conversations are starting or attention is drifting away from the topic. Some stop contributing altogether, others repeat points without listening. The energy drops and the meeting becomes less effective, even if it continues on the surface.
If there is a chair, use that role and make it explicit by guiding the process: refer back to the agenda, name where you are and suggest the next step. If no one takes the lead, step in yourself and do the same. Interrupt respectfully by acknowledging what is happening: “Can we take a pause for a moment?” Then summarise what you hear: “If I understand correctly, the point is X.” This shows you are listening and helps the group see where they are.
From there, you can give direction. You can involve others: “Chantal, how do you see it?” or make a proposal: “Shall we decide on this now or move to the next topic?” If time is a factor, name it: “We have ten minutes left, what we need to move forward?” By doing this, you make the process active again. It helps people to refocus, re-engage and contribute more effectively.
Source: iCN Issue 54 (Coaching Practice & Innovation); page 46
About Anne-Maartje Oud
Anne-Maartje Oud is founder and CEO of The Behaviour Company, an Amsterdam-based consultancy creating customised personal development programmes for companies and organisations worldwide. She has worked with non-profit social organisations as well as some of the world’s most prominent Fortune 500 companies. She is author of WHAT TO DO IF…? How to Handle Any Situation at Work and Come Out Winning published by Kogan Page, priced £12.99
