My Mom did not Love Me (… I think)

by Sylvie Racine (Canada)

Is it true? Probably not? Well, for the sake of this demonstration, it’s not relevant whether it’s true or not. Why? Because I believed it so badly at some point that it made me feel unworthy of love. I did not realise it fully, but the time stamp marked it loud and clear. I was perceived as unlovable. My mom had no time for me, so I did the math with my 3 years old brain. It created a little monster inside my head with all the strategies, curly hair, frilly dress … and fear of dying.

Now that I know, I made a life with the little one in tow. But am I the boss now? Not always… The little one is a sneaky sub-personality that can put me easily in a trance of sorts, where I experiment the fear I recorded as it was back then.

This sub-personality is one of many, but let’s focus on rejection. The next parts explain the mechanism and throw in some tactics to get back on the right track.

The universal truth

We all have universal truths ingrained in our unconscious mind, strong beliefs issued from nowhere. You just know it. It drives you and the conditions you reactions to any emotional event in the basic matters of life, unbeknownst to you.

Mom can be a rock star or the deadliest sorceress, we expect she will shower unconditional and continuous love towards us. Why? BECAUSE. Bias creeps in when, at a given moment, we are needy and do not ‘feel’ the expected love coming. This is why you get the sub-personality, to defend the universal truth. Maturity therefore implies that you face these and acknowledge that sometimes, mom isn’t always love.

Same for dad, he must provide safety. If dad loses his rhythm in providing security and attention, there will be another mini-me in you, 7 years old this time. Same thing but, triggered by the fear of abandonment. So, when you feel like you are forgotten, alone, left apart, the 7 years old will surface and plot a scheme to adjust life so that the risk fades.

Source: iCN Issue 26  (Life Coaching); pages 45-47

About Slyvie Racine

Sylvie Racine is an experienced NLP master coach specialized in Eriksonian hypnosis. She has her office in Montreal, Canada where she helps clients in curing the symptoms related to phobias, stress, PTSD, public speaking fear, pain management and birth under hypnosis.

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