By Viktoria Soos (Hungary)

Dating coaches have to deal with 4 major problems when it comes to their clients. These are: baggage from the past, inhibitions, gender stereotypes, and lastly, lack of dating skills (as described in 3rd issue of ICN, p. 58). NLP tools could be used in all of these areas; in this article we will see how it can help the client get rid of the first of the four problems: emotional baggage. What can be done when a bad memory, such as a painful breakup or an ugly divorce procedure, destroyed the client’s self-worth and still haunts him/her, preventing the healing process and impeding him/her from dating with confidence?

nlp map-1The NLP map as a key to the solution

What I love about NLP is its easy-to-use “communication model” that gives us a map so we know where to intervene. According to this model we have five areas: filters, internal representation of reality, emotional state, physiology, and behaviour.

The reason why someone is stuck in the past is the following: an external event created a filter that affects the beliefs, values, decisions, meta-programs or memories of the person so that his or her internal representation of reality changes and affects the emotional state and behaviour, and sometimes even the physiology.


The NLP map (source: Rashelle Reid)

Source: iCN Issue 4 (NLP in Coaching); pages 43-44

About Viktoria Soos

Viktoria Soos, with more than 50,000 subscribers to her online dating lessons, tips, and articles, is one of Hungary’s first and favourite dating coaches. Implementing coaching tools in dating, besides individual coaching packages she has designed for online and offline trainings, has organized conferences and has held summer “boot camps” for those looking for love. This year she was a guest speaker at the International Matchmaking Conference in New York; she has also published a book titled “Get over it – the four things keeping you single.” As of 2013, she is working with international clients.